23
Sep
08

What Would I Do If…DISTURBING EDITION!/ Disturbing Advice

What would you do if you wanted to disturb somebody at a dinner party?

#1: Make up a list of fake turn-ons:

For example, this is how a conversation could follow:

“So what do you enjoy Mr. Dolphin?”

“Well Screeching Tires, Teddy Roosevelt, people slamming books really loudly, and Hot Wheels cars turn me on.”

“…”

#2 Bark

“You seem like quite a young enterprising man, Mr. Dolphin.”

“WOOF WOOF WOOF BARK WOOOOOOWOOFWOOF”

“…”

#3 Start smelling things.

“I hear you enjoyed Pretty Hate Machine, Mr. Dolphin.”

*smells fork*

“…”

#4 Flip out your awesome squad membership card and or badge* and you glock and scream for everybody to get on the ground.** Dial up Billy Mays with your awesome phone.

“So Mr. Dolphin, what do you think of Finland?”

*ring ring ring!*

(conversation ensues) “Get over here now, Code 3”

*click*

“what was tha-”

“BILLY MAYS HERE! ALL THIS DINNER PARTY NEEDS IS A LITTLE-ORANGE-GLOW!”

(from here proceed to dial the rest of the awesome squad)

“Well I do say, is that John McCain?”

“When I was a kid, Alaska wasn’t a state!”

“Chuck Norris?!”

“LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!”

“Don LaFont- wait, isn’t he dead?”

In a world, where Mr. Dolphin wants to alienate dinner party guests, FORKS WILL FLY! GET READY FOR THE WHITE KNUCKLED DINNER PARTY OF THE WINTER IN…

DINNER PARTY 3: Dolphin’s Revenge

Proceed to dial up the remaining members of the awesome squad***

Alienation is the last thing doinner party goers expect.

* Available soon.

** You can also use this method I guess

*** This method is a last resort due do it most likely taking time out of our schedules and making a blood sacrifice for Don LaFontaine. It could also ruin your dinner party.

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2 Responses to “What Would I Do If…DISTURBING EDITION!/ Disturbing Advice”


  1. 23 September 2008 at 12:39 AM

    Holy crap, this needs points. I’d like a vote for 10.

  2. 24 September 2008 at 1:06 AM

    Idl ikeav otef or5.

    #4 ’tis kind of hard to follow.

    heh heh. Donner party… you’re terrible.


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